Papa or everything I will do when you finally die

Head note

To my father.

I have been thinking about it for some time. I have not stopped thinking for some time. That is why he writes this work. Papa or everything I will do when you finally die. When you finally die. It’s strong, eh? When finally. I mean I want it. And why should I wait for you to die? What you finally die. Why can’t I do it now all that I want to do?

Love parents. This has been told all your life. After all, we live where we live. And if we did not live here it would be the same. It seems to me that even the animals have some kind of equivalent of all this. Love parents. What a thing. But it’s not easy. It’s not easy. It’s not that easy. It is true: being a father is not easy either. Encouraging children unconditionally, as we have been taught with good parents, is not easy. In fact, it is the unnatural thing in the world.

If they were different maybe it would be easier. If they weren’t so much … or if they were more … but they aren’t. Because they are as they are. We are as we are. And this is not easy. You don’t bother you when they do the thing about …? Or the other. The other can not bear it. Is that I cannot. I’m sorry. I want to love you but I can’t. If you do this, or the other, I can’t. If you didn’t, maybe I could.

That is why I have been thinking about it for so long. I think about it. I think that if we could change we would. They would do it. And we would love each other. We would love each other more. Do you know what I tell you? I thought about it a lot. And why not change, me? Why don’t I do it? Eh?

When I think about it, I realize that I do not know that I have to change. Because I, I like it. I like it as I am. And what I don’t like because I change it. But what they don’t like others, I don’t know. Because they don’t tell me. Among them are those who do not like me. But I don’t. I never tell me. They make sure everything is fine. And they hope you change without telling me they want to make different. Don’t see how ironic it is, all this?

Sometimes it is better to say things. I am sure that great tragedies could have been avoided if we simply had a little better notified. It is like all this of the nano who kills his father and fucks his mother because he does not know that they are his father and his mother. What if they had asked them? Eh? Hey, are you my mother? Yes. Well, we better put our pants again. Do you see it? One of the tragedies that have most transcended in the history of humanity has no longer felt you.

If you don’t do anything, I can assure you that the only one that will end up changing, inevitably, in fact, the only thing that will change you do what you do, that is, if you do not do anything, the only thing many of you think you can really change is (Here an actor would suggest death). Because the only one of what you are safe with absolute certainty is the fact that one day your father will die. Maybe this is how it leaves you alone for a while, I guess. Or not, if you say Hamlet may not.

Bernat Gaya.